Culture and Cruises. Not the same thing…

By: Tate
Today’s agenda:
I have decided my kids need culture. We live in a small town and I LOVE it. But it does lack diversity .
So today I have decided we are going to make to journey to the nearby town of Waxahachie and go to Japanese restaurant for some 🍣 sushi exposure .
Sushi was somewhat of a success. Dan (this is what we are now calling my oldest, formerly known on this blog as D) spit it out into a napkin, which is fine. The kid looked like he was about to gag and I didn’t want him to blow chunks at the dinner table. He did learn not to “yuck” other people’s “yum.”
And some better phrases to say instead of “oh, gross” when he sees new food. So I chalk that up to a win.
Dan and T-bone are going on a family cruise in a few weeks and I have to get Dan ready . By ready, I mean make sure he knows all of the random dances they do on the ship: electric slide and Cupid shuffle. I can’t send my baby out into the world unprepared.
Then I think about what if he does a really good job and some one records him and post to social media and it becomes viral. Then some loser will make a terrible meme of my kid??? I’m now in panic mode because of the imaginary scenario that Dan has to go through life with internet trolls saying ugly stuff and it is all my fault because I taught him to dance.
I must put a stop to this.
I tell T-bone “don’t let anyone take pics or video Dan on the ship.” T-bone says “ok” but I can tell he is not taking the issue seriously. So, I have to go above his head. I have to go to Sissy.
Meet Sissy.
Sissy is T- bone’s  sister. The kids call her “Aunt Sissy”
We know we are trash.
She usually has my back in these types of deals even if she doesn’t agree with me. I’m probably the Kanye West of the family and Sissy defends my quirks when most want to write me off as mean or crazy. Both can be true at times. But Sissy loves me and I love her.
So, now I have to explain to Sissy that she is in charge of throwing overboard any recording device that points towards Dan because I won’t be on the cruise to do so.
Why am I not going on the big family cruise?
I am not a fan of Cruises.
A cruise to me is a lot of buffet lines and hokey shows. I like the all inclusive-mess, the spa and the ports at different countries. But being in captivity with a bunch of people – I’m never going to do well.
I would describe the first cruise I went on as a floating convalescent center mixed with America’s tackiest Walmart shoppers.  The whole time we were on a decadent ship filled with workers from around the world who haven’t seen their families in forever and stopping at these beautiful 3rd world countries.  It made me so thankful for where I was born and what I have etc. But then everyone around you is complaining or bragging which irritated me because they were not having moments like I was. I expect everyone to have a moment when I’m all in my feels. 💁
Last family cruise. I took it upon my self to walk the ship all night to ensure we were not all going to sink and perish in a watery grave. And no I don’t think the crew would let us know something like that. Have you seen the people at the buffet line all elbows and no manners!  No, when the ship hits the iceberg, I’m going to be the first in the safety boat with my life jacket on.
Yes, I’m well aware that the Gulf of Mexico probably won’t have icebergs-SO WHAT!  So I had to check all perimeters to make sure we were safe at all times no one in the family ever told me thank you, not once.
The other reasons is  because I have 2 toddlers and toddlers on a ship makes me want to shave all my hair off and then attack people with an umbrella like Britney Spears did in 2007.
So I do everyone a favor and I don’t go on the big family cruise. Even with  all that said, Sissy still wants me to go on a cruise. She is nice.
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One thought on “Culture and Cruises. Not the same thing…

  1. Now, we are taking the obligatory boarding the ship pic… In our matching t-shirts, of course lol…. And maybe a few formal night pics.
    🙈🙊🙉 Wish you were going

    Like

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