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Lets Blame Barbara Bush

By: Tate

One of the magical parts of A.D.D. Is waking up to find your keys and wallet on your porch steps and your car door wide open.

Today is Good Friday. I want you all to find a small child and explain to them what Good Friday is all about. It’s super hard to do.

I did this by playing a YouTube video of Jesus dying on the cross.
One of my kids ran out of the room to throw up.
The crucifixion can be really graphic .
But kids need to know the truth.

This is where I’m really bad as a mom.

For instance:
I took my kids to see the Boss Baby.
And one came away really bothered by getting old and dying.
Dan said he didn’t want to get old and die and he didn’t want me to get old and die.
I look at him and in all seriousness I say:
“You don’t have to be old to die.
Even children die.”

He looks at me and knows I’m a bad mother. Even I know at this tender moment that was the wrong thing to say.
So I take him out to eat and let him get whatever he wants.

I will blame all of this on Barbara Bush.
I once read that after she had a miscarriage she brought the fetus home in a medical glass container and set it up on the table in front of GeorgeDubya and the rest of the kids. And explained why she and her husband stood against abortion.

No matter where you stand on the subject – you gotta admire that gumption. I read that story in high school and it always stuck with me. Not the political part but the kind of mom she was. Just laying it all out there like that.

Plus- it’s so much fun to blame things on people.

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Yetti’s Birthday

By: Tate

We recently celebrated the Yetti’s Birthday. My youngest is now 3.
We threw a birthday pool party with family.
It was obvious success.

Yetti's Cake.jpg

This is the cake.
Many asked “what were you going for?”
My answer: edible.
You see this isn’t supposed to be anything but 4 small layered cakes.
No decorations- nothing.

How am I supposed to know you are supposed to put stabilizer in layered cakes. I thought the filling was supposed to act as some type of adhesive – but it doesn’t.
It just makes the cakes slippery.

Did I mention that The Yetti went off and jumped into the pool without his floaties?
Yes- this happened. And he sank like a rock.
No worries though I went right on in after him: clothes, shoes and all.

This is no surprise to me. The same thing happened, last year, with CiCi.

And just like last year I ruined my Minnetonka Moccasins.
But my kid is still alive.
So I’m happy about that.

But I still want my Minnetonka Moccasins.

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Pool Party

By: Tate

The Yetti has a Birthday Party this Saturday.
That is what I have decided to call my third child.
Y= yetti.

It’s a pool party😒
I hate the water.
Mostly becauseI hate bathing suits.
But kids like pools.
So whateves.

My parents live across the street and have a heated pool.
So convenient.

Just checked the weather…. storms predicted for the day.

Yes, that sounds about right.

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Facebook Live Can Suck It

By: Tate

Let me start out:  it takes a lot to be me. To wake up every morning and know I have to face the day knowing full well… that I am going to have to be me all day.

With all of that said .
I went Facebook “live” Tuesday afternoon without knowing.
For the record : I don’t do the live stuff. I don’t even like my picture to be taken.
I once told a pastor of a church that I would not join because I didn’t want my picture made and displayed out in the foyer.

So try to imagine my horror when I look at my phone and discover that
for 5 whole minutes my Facebook recorded live audio of me and my kids.
I won’t watch the video- I can’t.
By the time I realized what happened.
There had been 74 views and 25 comments.

If you just thought “no big deal”
Go jump in the lake.

Just to be sure this will never happen again I erased the Facebook app and now have to go on the internets and manually log into my account every time.

Mama didn’t raise no fool.

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The Bend and Snap

By: Tate

Some of us will remember the time Elle Woods taught America the “Bend and Snap” in the cinematic classic:
Legally Blonde.

Bend and Snap

If you have not seen this masterpiece …what’s wrong with you?

Anyway… around here me and the kids still do the Bend and Snap.

Snap

It just looks a little different.

Shocked? That I snap my own green beans.
Me too.

 

Green Beans

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Spring Break

By: Tate

It’s Spring break.
Thankfully my in-laws are probably some of the greatest set of grandparents.
So my kids have that going for them.
Thank God.
They took Dan and are showing him a good time. Plus he needs to get away from the two babies.

Because here’s the thing about Spring Break…
Everyone.
Everyone is on Spring break.
“Oh let’s go to the Zoo”
Everyone and their mother is at the Zoo.
Crowds and a bunch of kids… just kill me now.
Plus, I start thinking that’s the perfect “hot bed” scenario for molesters and kidnappers to come out and mix and mingle with kids and crowds.

In children’s church, all the kids were telling me all their fascinating plans of Disney, Camping and the Great Wolf Lodge. I look over at Dan and semi-promise to get his Christmas present (trampoline) put up.  I felt all the peer pressure from his friends who have good parents or rich parents that plan fabulous vaca’s for their kids.
4 days into Spring break and that trampoline is still in the box 😞